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Alpha Wife vs The Christian Wife

As my husband and I researching a book that we are writing, we came across the term, Alpha Wife. We were very intrigued because we had never heard the term, but quickly found the term quite appropriate for the type of wife it described. 

The alpha wife is, by feminists’ standards, an empowered, powerful, assertive woman, a woman that lets no one or anything stand in her way. She does not submit to anyone. She is the boss. Let’s take a closer look at this Alpha wife, at what really makes her tick.

It is shocking to see someone who micromanages her husband, day in and day out. Her husband may not make a decision without her, unless she agrees with said decision. The husband is not valued or loved. He is an object of bitterness and wrath. All decisions must be approved by her, or accusations of manipulation and lies will soon follow. The husband takes upon the submissive role as he is ruled over by the wife. He must often work out of the home and work hard inside the home. Alpha wives, many times, insist on being served and rarely serve.

An alpha wife is the boss of her home. She is not constrained by any labels or stereotypes; she is a fluid machine that can be anything she feels like at the moment. She may want to identify as a homeschooled, feminine, head-covering wife, no matter if it is contrary to her actions. She must not be challenged or rebuked. Her pride level is off the charts.

An alpha wife’s husband lives in fear that he will offend his wife, and he is wary of playing with or instructing his own children, that if anything did not go as she thought it should, it may invoke the alpha wife’s wrath. This husband must watch for the cues that his wife gives off and if he does not call them rightly, the day is ruined in an instant.

This husband is a “good husband” by most that know him, because most of his friends are feminists, so his submission to his wife is completely natural to them. This is in Christian circles, mind you.

This husband has issues sleeping, working, and even thinking. His stomach is in knots most of the day and he cannot eat. His thoughts are consumed about what he will do wrong next, trying to avoid the blowup that he so dreads. He believes he is everything she says he is, and he loves her and wished to please her, but monsters cannot be pleased. Ever. Not without repentance and faith. Abuse is interpreted as love. He thinks she loves him because she heaps on the abuse.

His alpha wife is fully aware of the uneasiness she gives her husband and she feels this empowers her more. This is how she can keep control because, you see, control is the whole point. Abused people can easily be controlled. 

Control, dominance, and micromanaging: these are the things she holds onto. These are the things she cleaves to; she does not cleave to her husband as Scripture commands, but she cleaves to the abuse she heaps on her husband. She is driven by control. She may very well claim Christ, but so did Jim Jones, cult the leader who got 900 people to drink poisonous Kool-Aid. As the alpha wife reigns terror over her husband, she gains allies. Many allies, so that even those in his own family are turned against him.

Allies to accuse her husband…. Of what? The very thing she is doing to him. This keeps the control from within and if the husband steps out of line, there is pressure from his friends and family that have been manipulated to believe her lies. 

At the same time the husband of the alpha wife has nothing but good to say about his wife, even though she treats him so badly.

Christ has no part in the life and abuse of an alpha wife, no part at all. This alpha wife is the exact opposite of a Christian wife. 

The Christian wife, on the contrary, loves her husband and does not seek to rule over him. She wants goodness and mercy for her husband all the days of his life. She and her husband are of one flesh. She does not bully him, and if another does, she quickly comes to his defense.

When her husband suffers, she feels it. She wants to help her husband, never hinder him, never cause him harm. She has only good things to say about him, she never would think of slandering her husband to family and friends, to do so would be slandering her own flesh. 

Sure, as Christian wives we can get upset with our husbands, but we do not seek to demean, shame, and bully them. These are our leaders; the leaders God has set over us. They will never be the leaders we think they should be, but then again, we were not appointed the leaders, were we? Our love is first to our Lord that has given us into marriage, and we honor God as we honor our husbands, to the glory of God.

As Christian wives we do not seek to make our husband always in fear of our voice, of our wrath. We never want them to be in fear of our monthly hormones, feelings, and emotions that change minute by minute. Our focus is on pleasing God and glorifying Him in all we do, especially in our first and primary ministry: in our marriages, family, and home. We guard our hearts and we stand watch to see no harm comes to those we love, as it is in our ability to do so. 

We seek to make our husbands lives calm and peaceful. We are taught in Scripture to be with a quiet and meek spirit, that we are to win our husbands over without a word. Without a word is silence. Proverbs teaches us that it is better for a man to live on a roof than have a bossy and contentious wife. On a roof? Really? Oh my!

When we see wives that demean their husbands, we know they do detriment to their husbands and their marriages. We are to build up our husbands, encourage them, and pray for them. 

Screaming and demeaning them is disobedience to God and does not grow a marriage, but tears it down.

A woman that builds up her home builds on the foundation of the two great commands: love God and love your neighbor. We love God by obeying Him and trusting Him in His instruction and commands concerning our roles as wife, mother, and keeper of the home.

We all have encountered an alpha wife and sadly she is becoming more and more common within the church. She is deceived, she is puffed up with pride. She can do no wrong, and she will most likely not be rebuke, within the church. And while I will not go into detail about the reason why, the short answer is feminism. 

Most conservative churches teach Scripture rightly (mutual submission is not rightly) but the actual practice of the Scripture, not so much. 

Women have been elevated in the church. Submission is taught from the pulpit, but always with a caveat and warning to the men. The women’s feelings and emotions mostly trump Scripture. The woman must be appeased. Not corrected or rebuked, but appeased. If feeding the man to the monster is necessary, the elders have no problem sacrificing that man to the god that is feminism. 

A man is to blame if a woman is abused and that is right. But the man is also to blame if he is abused. That is called partiality. It is sin.

If the man abused, he is mostly not taken seriously concerning the abuse, he is demeaned for not leading his home, even though his wife will not allow him to lead. He has no idea how to lead; she has always been the boss. So if he tries to lead, as the elders have told him he has failed to do, his wife will not have it. What does that man do?

Mind you if the abused was a woman, the man would be church disciplined, rebuked, and called to repentance.

When the man is abused, it is his fault for the abuse. He caused it, he allowed it, maybe he even deserved it.

So here we have two very different women. One, the alpha wife, will make her husband, children, and home a misery day in and day out. Her lips say she loves God, but her heart is far from Him. She wears dresses and head coverings. Her cup is polished. All in the church see her as a “good Christian woman.” But her husband and children know the truth and more than that God knows who she really is. This is the heart of the matter. There is no fear of God before the alpha wife’s eyes.

The other woman, the Christian wife, loves God and shows her love through her tender love and care of her husband, children, and home. Her words are encouraging, her joy is evident, and she builds up her home. She lives before the face of God, and while she does fail, as we all do at times, she knows that she has a kind and loving Savior that grows her in Him every day. She repents and is not haughty, she is humble in heart and demeanor; she is chaste and modest. Her inside (heart) matches up with what you see on the outside. 

The alpha wife exists in the church, and we must love these wives by telling them the truth. We must help these husbands that suffer under their tyranny. To ignore these husbands’ abuse and the sins of these wives is to aid and abet in the abuse of an image bearer of God.