Is falling into love blindly biblical? For the audio version click here: https://anchor.fm/patriarchywife/episodes/Loving-Blindly-e14a69e
We all know the fairy tale where the poor waif is swept off ofher feet and blindly falls head over heels in love with a dashing prince. Those stories never give us a two-year, five-year, and ten-year update. We do not get to see the day that he comes home late from work and the blender top flew off and she has been cleaning green smoothie from the ceiling to the baseboards. We do not get to see her when she is at the women’s Bible study in her giant church where all of the single moms that have chewed up and browbeat their husbands right out the door are telling her what her husband should be doing around the house to pitch in—and every magazine in the supermarket aisle is showing her that real women are free from cleaning the castle. Real women have a career and a life of their own. All she has todo is ditch the husband and the children and she can have anything her heart desires. She can live the dream. And she will blindly move right along to the next prince.
It is a dream all right, a bad one. Love is not blind. Jesus gives us every example for life and godliness. He teaches us how we are to love, by doing it Himself. He demonstrates for us what it is to truly love. Women that desire to go the way of the world frequently claim, “Well I can’t submit to my husband, he doesn’t love me as he should, like Christ loves the church! He doesn’t die for me!” Take a moment and ask yourself this: Do I love my husband the way that Jesus Christ who died for my sins loves me? I can answer it for me and for you. No.
“He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” Song of Solomon 2:4
Christ does not love us blindly, but intimately in His knowledge of us. We would be wise in marriage to not think that we are to blindly love. That would be foolishness and it is not the example that Christ sets for us Himself. He has written every single one of our days before there was even one. He loved us before the foundation of the world, before we were even a blastocyst. Christ is aware of every cell that He knit together in our mother’s wombs. He knows every flaw, every thought, every deed, every careless world we have ever spoken. He knows every single corruption and sin. Yet, He loves us. He has chosen us to love. This is our example for the way in which we are to love our husbands.
“It [Love] does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered.” 1 Corinthians 13:5
The old saying familiarity breeds contempt has a grain of truth to it. It certainly can fester like a gangrenous wound that leads to death and decay when you decide that you are irritated with any issue, a bitter root that if not plucked out will corrupt many. Is it not the way of our flesh to love an expensive vase less when it has a crack? When we see every flaw, observe a deed we find unlovely, hear careless words spoken? Thank God that we see sin only in part, we do not see sin in its full horror. Sometimes we can scarcely see our own, but we can typically see the most infinitesimal sin of our husband with baccarat crystal clear vision. We know that he is a broken vessel, but may fail to realize that we are the pieces that patch the holes and make it functional again. It takes both of us. And we are held together by Christ.
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
To enter love blindly is a fool’s errand. Marriage is two sinners joining together, sinning against one another more times than you would care to admit for as long as we both shall live. If we think we can hide from this truth we are going to be in for a great deal of avoidable disappointment. We are told that we are to cover a multitude of sins with love, not stick our heads in the sand. We are to look deeply into love. We are not to blindly enter it or continue through it in that manner. Who builds a tower without first counting the cost? How could we build a marriage without looking at the truth and coming to terms with a plan for overcoming? We are overcomers, are we not? We are to measure the depths and vastness of love, taking account of its precious value. We are to look into our husbands, the imperfect human being that we are joined to as one flesh and see the truth, the weakness, the frailty, the struggles—and make the choice over and over again to love him in it and through it. To be the helper that he needs. A comforter. A friend. A bride. We are called to be vessels of mercy to him and not destruction.
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” Jeremiah 31:3
We must look honestly and openly with discernment at what love requires of us. If we make the choice to blindly pretend that there is no flaw, disappointment will come. We will see in due time that this husband is not nearly as perfect as we thought. Not nearly as perfect as we pretended. And what will we do with that disappointment when our hope was in this perfect person? We will have only ourselves to blame for willingly overlooking the truth, forgetting that we are a piece of the marred vessel, we find offense. This is why we must be an example of Christ in our love. A love that sees, not a blind love. Love that is a choice, that is faithful to do good, longsuffering and forgiving. Not holding account of wrongs done, but taking account of goodness. A love that holds to truth. A love that makes the choice to cling to Christ because He chooses to love us.