The Feminist Myth of Equality in Christian Marriage

Shellie Uncategorized

I know well that when God created man and then woman He did so with the man as the head and the woman as the helpmeet.

Hebrew  ezer ke-negdo; i.e., “a help as his counterpart” = a help suitable to him), a wife (Genesis 2:18-20).

Once we understand the inequalities in marriage, we come much closer to understanding God’s purpose for us as women, wives, and mothers. As we grow in grace, we do not become more prideful in our knowledge or wisdom; on the contrary, we become humbler. One example of humility is learning, trusting, and knowing God’s mind and purposes for us, knowing what God did for us in Christ. What Christ did; we did nothing. What Christ did for us. Christ and His example give us a humble and contrite heart. 

We no longer view our inequalities in our marriage as a station in our life for which to constantly battle and fight. While we do not obey perfectly, we now understand why we should no longer seek to rule over our husbands. And when we do find ourselves doing so, we quickly repent, knowing that God brings us to the knowledge of our sin and brings us to repentance. 

As a former feminist, becoming a Christian did not magically cause the entirety of my wrong thinking to vanish. As in all of us, we carry our presuppositions with us into just about every area of our lives. Those presuppositions may not be rational or true, but we hold on to them and they frame so much of what we think until God renews our minds.

This was very much how my mind worked in the area of marriage. While I did understand that I am a wife and I was my husband’s help meet, I did not really understand that; I also believed at the same time that my husband was my equal. I am not speaking of equal in humanity and equal in Christ, but equal in our “places” in our marriage. I did not know my “place.” But God’s Word is where we come to understand.

I am speaking of our inequalities in our marriage, the inequalities that dispel the myth that a godly marriage is equal. You can call it hierarchy, patriarchy, or subordination. We are called as wives who submit and do so joyfully: submitting by the grace of God, for the glory of God.

We either accept God’s order or we reject God’s order. When we reject God’s order, we disorder what God has commanded and called good.

Man being the head of his wife. God calls women to get underneath that head. Underneath the Head. The head orders and delegates and the rest of the body obeys these orders. The head is the Central Command, from where the orders will come. We have got orders from employees and we get orders (commands) from God, but somehow in the 21 Century we have Scripture “edits” that desire to “soften” what God has said. Why. Think about that for just a minute.

Our Savior Christ is the Head of His Church. We don’t question that. And His Church, of which we are a part, are to obey our Head. We are part of his body, we are not equal to Christ. It is very simple and clear language. I think that it is so much harder for women today, to digest because we hold on to our presuppositions that have been placed in our minds, not by God’s Word, but by the feminism we digested before becoming believers or the feminism that has been adopted by much of the Church.

Jesus, as Head of the Church, is not our equal. We are underneath Him. We are His disciples, His soldiers, His servants. As Sarah loved Abraham and called him lord, we too, as wives, are in subordination to our husbands. This is God’s perfect order.

I have been told before that for this teaching I am enabling abuse, To which I remind them that they cannot shoot or shame the messenger; I am only teaching what can be plainly found in Scripture. God does not whisper at all in this regard. Modern Bible scholars know this but have more and more compromised the Word, as not to stand out and look peculiar. But isn’t that who we are? Christians are a peculiar people. Can we assume that the abandonment of being peculiar and the desire to be more like the world has made the Church walk and talk not like Christ but more like the world?

Submission is obedience. When I got married almost 39 years ago I said my vows, looking into my husband’s eyes, while holding his hands and repeating after the Lutheran minister. I promised to love, honor, and obey. Yes. I promised to obey. Gasp!! Yes, I said it, and I really believed.I believed it. This was not a rare incidence at my wedding. I did not write these vows. I did not request some controversial fundamentalist, vows. These were the traditional Christian vows in the Christian Church, at the time and before. They were based solely on biblical teaching.

As recorded in “The Book of Common Prayer 1559” Woman’s Vows:

WILTthou have this man to thy wedded housband, to lyve together after Goddes ordynaunce in the holy estate of matrimony? wilt thou obey hym and serve him, love, honour, and kepe him, in sycknes and in health? And forsakynge al other, kepe the onely to him so long as ye bothe shal live

The woman shall aunswere,

I will.

The following is pretty standard reinterpretation of so much of God’s order today in the Church. In the interpretation of Holy Scripture. Keep in mind that this is how many biblical commands and teachings have been kicked to the curb using the very same flawed  logic found here. Mind you, I was married in 1982, so this teaching had not fully made its way through Christendom at the time I was married.

This is Christianity Today on June 6, 1969 :

Today many marriage counselors and pastors regard the vow of obedience as an anachronism. They argue that the husband-wife relationship taught in the Scripture is culturally conditioned. Since it was fitting in Bible times for a woman to be submissive to her husband, they say, Christians were enjoined to follow this principle to avoid scandalizing the non-Christian community


  1. a thing belonging or appropriate to a period other than that in which it exists, especially a thing that is conspicuously old-fashioned.

“everything was as it would have appeared in centuries past apart from one anachronism, a bright yellow construction crane”

  • an act of attributing a custom, event, or object to a period to which it does not belong.

“it is anachronism to suppose that the official morality of the age was mere window dressing”

Ironically 1969 was the year the feminists burned their bras and got most of the Church women to burn their head coverings that were prior common place, in the “The Great Unveiling” put on by The National Organization for Women. So, Christianity Today says that the Bible only indicates submission of wives in that culture, because the church didn’t want to offend the culture? And we believe that garbage? No, we don’t. God does not change with culture.

So, you see that man has yet again thought himself higher minded than God and allocated His clear teachings to a “time period” and “culture.” Keep in mind that Scripture as God is the same yesterday, today and forever. They choose to appease a culture, a time period, an evil age. 

We change a little Scripture here; we adjust a little wording of Scripture there. And finally, we completely change what the original Author had intended. Can we still call that biblical fidelity? 

Sadly, that is exactly what has been done here with God’s purpose, hierarchy, and designated authority in marriage. Today’s pastor, I fear, serves in fear of being accused of enabling abuse, being archaic, and being harsh. Now why would a pastor be worried about such things?

To be clear, I do not believe my pastor worries about appeasing man but fears God. But many pastors today fear man. Because we live in such a feminist society, the Church has adapted and attempted to sanitize a form of feminism, a feminism that does not call women to obey and submit to her husband. The few that do feel the need to put caveats, warnings and stipulations where God’s Word does not require them. But if a woman wants to go to work under a man? There is no lack of support for her decision to do so. Do we see a problem here? Just a little one?

Husbands are given their position by God. They did not earn it, nor could they. God does not require a man to fill a certain requirement to take this mantle. And this makes most pastors nervous. We must understand that feminism is pressing hard against the church, not from only without, but more troubling, from within. The wives of the elders, deacons, and congregants are mimicking a pagan world but do so while sitting in the pews and singing from the hymnal. There is so much feminism and very little acknowledgment, and even less repentance, in the area of rejecting biblical truth and accepting feminist dogma instead. I am speaking of both husbands and wives. 

A sermon in a pulpit that does not give women a type of sainthood just for being a woman, and at the same time demonize the men just for being men, always surprises me. I do not get surprised very often. I even listened to an Adrian Rogers sermon on marriage, recently and I was not surprised when he proclaimed to the women in his congregation that men need a whole lot more of God’s grace, because they are just not a “smart lot.”

I forced myself to listen to a tad more of that sermon but could not stomach it all. It was not biblical, not scriptural. It was feminist talking points pressing down on the men and promoting the idolatry of women. It was sickening.

The created order is that man was created first and woman was created for man. Not the other way around. And in the teaching of God’s created order, you will not find any reference to how stupid, awkward, and ignorant the man is. Nor will you find in scripture that women are  equal to the man in “place” Meaning where our proper place in the hierarchy actually is. Under the man, as a soldier is under his superior in rank. I know this is stark language, and its only stark because of the feminism we have been fed from the pulpits and the world. When Pastors attack men and praise women in their sermons, they do so with now scriptural basis.  But this aspect of a pastor’s sermon comes wholly from the feminist presuppositions or the fear of (wo)man or both.

Have you ever heard a sermon in which a Pastor tells a man that his boss, is his equal. That he does not have to obey what his boss says? Of course not. God’s will is for woman to be subordinate to man, her own husband. To be in submission to her husband, to obey her husband. There are no misunderstandings. Cultural adjustments are not required. Changing what God has commanded is forbidden and given a grave warning in Revelation 22:19.

I do not take liberty or license with Scripture. I, in fear and trembling, teach these truths. God does not adapt to man or woman or culture,  to any part of His creation. His Creation is to adapt to Him, the One and Only God, Creator. 

There is a created order. That created order is under attack. The attacks began in the Garden. These attacks have failed, men had held the line. But in the last 100 years men and women are attempting, even as I write, to dismantle that order. It is displayed in the feminism, homosexuality, and transgenderism. The most disturbing and grievous attempt to disorder God’s order is the battle that is being waged within the church. The battle that pits a worldly feminist doctrine of equality within the institution of marriage versus a historical, biblical, beautiful doctrine of inequality in marriage. 

Pastors will continue to reword, soften this timeless truth, but it does not change this timeless truth. Appeasing a God hating culture will never make that culture love you, it will only cause them to hate you more. The world knows what God’s Word says, and they also know that most Christians won’t stand with God’s Word. The world presses and the visible Church adjusts. It’s shameful and God hates it, to be sure.

As this feminist battle rages within the Church, stand firm. Don’t compromise or appease. We don’t worship men, but God Almighty. His divine order is not for man to reorder. 

We can look, even in the church and see the feminist disease has wrought much suffering and pain. And the feminists scream “Crush the Patriarchy the cause of abuse” It’s all a lie. A big fat lie. Feminism has brought us the “sexual perversion revolution in the 1960’s” Let me see, we have AIDS, fornication, promiscuous behavior, birth control, abortion, adultery, rapes, molestations, assaults ect. All of this birthed from the perversion of God’s order for family, church and societly. 

And to think, so many men, are gun shy and afraid of offending a feminist these days, with little thought of offending God. This is not a time in history for use to retreat but to fight and fight hard to take the Old Paths,. Honoring and obeying God, without apologies.